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College Candy: The Two-Faced Bottomless Purse

by Skinnypurse

From our friends at College Candy:

CC: The Two-Faced Bottomless Purse

If there is anything in this world I can rely on to be there for me (besides Dove Dark Chocolate) it is my big, bottomless, purse. Chapstick? Got it. $2.41 in all dimes and pennies? Got it. Four flattened Milk Duds? Got it. The Vegas Map and some Floss Picks? You’ve guessed it, I’ve got it.

I’m not the only one who loves me an oversized bag. According to Alan in The Hangover, even “Indiana Jones has one.” And why not? Besides holding Skittles and $80,000, huge bags are the perfect way to tote your most needed (and maybe not-so-needed) belongings. But they don’t come without their issues, namely back pain and the embarrassment that comes with accidentally swinging that thing too close to a wall of breakables.

Big purses have made their statement in the fashion world and their way onto women’s (sore) shoulders worldwide. But as much as we all love ‘em, and boy do I love mine, there seems to be some extra “baggage” that comes with the bottomless wonder.

Pro: The Olsen Twins are right about one thing: big bags slung at your side do make you look slimmer.
Con: Try navigating a packed bar with this thing. You may look thinner, but you won’t feel it as you’re trying to make your way through the throngs of drunks with an extra 6lbs on you. Not to mention a wet shirt when you inevitably knock everyone’s drinks out of their hands.

Pro: You can fit virtually anything in your big purse. There are pockets and mystery caverns to put your most valuable items. My purse is like a transformer; one minute I keep all my books in it and the next minute I have secret mini shots of Smirnoff in a mystery back pocket.
Con: You can’t find anything in that behemoth! Good luck finding your ringing phone; every time you reach for it you pull out hand lotion, a half-eaten sandwich or – score! – that roll of quarters you’ve been searching for. And you know this is a problem, which is why you put that phone in the pocket. But of course you don’t remember that as you scour the bottom of the bag for the faint sounds of “Tik Tok” playing somewhere in there.

Pro: On a good day, you can find mystery food items that have spent the night in your bag. Everyone can relate to the story where they find a Jimmy Johns #4 conveniently wrapped in their purse for the next morning. Big purses also come in handy when you don’t want to spend your left leg on a bag of popcorn at the premier of Twilight-Eclipse.
Con: Finding that long lost tuna sandwich…3 weeks later.

Pro: You are always prepared for any problem that may arise. Need a Band-aid? A breath mint? Some hooch? Check, check and (hidden in the lining) check!
Con: Two words: Back pain. Hopefully you can fit some Valium and an ice pack in that thing, because you’re gonna need it after toting around that 20 pounder all day.

Pro: Bigger bags mean more room for the gorgeous. Seriously, small bags are alright, but there’s something classy, chic and just plain amazing about an oversized tote.
Con: Storage. Sure, there’s plenty of room in the bag, but where the hell are you supposed to put that thing? It’s too big to put on your lap at the diner, so you’ve gotta rest it on the dirty floor. Same goes for when you’re driving and your friend takes the seat normally reserved for Big Bertha. And can we just talk about trying to rest that thing on the TP dispenser in the bar bathroom?


OK, so big bags aren’t perfect, but no matter how many times I lose my keys in there, I just can’t quit them. I mean, who cares that your arm falls asleep when the bag looks like this?

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